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Q&A - Talking to Multiple People


Question:

Is it wrong to speak to multiple guys if they never said you were exclusive?


Answer:

This is a great question, and I’ve heard arguments for both sides of it. First, let’s define what it means to “speak” to multiple people. It can either mean communicating via phone with someone you’re romantically interested in, or going out on dates to get to know them a little more. Either way, it’s the stage right before entering a serious relationship where you are exclusive.


Ask this question to different people and you’ll get different answers, but the only opinion that matters is the person you’re speaking to. Make sure you’re on the same page, and have a mutual understanding of your expectations. If you are talking to and/or going on early-stage dates with multiple people, let them know. You both have to be comfortable with that in order for your relationship to be based on honesty and increase the chances of it working out.


That being said, I personally don’t recommend it. Talking to multiple people at once can lead to confusion and comparison. It is better to talk to one person at a time and evaluate if they have what you’re looking for. You should know what you’re looking for before you even start dating. Know what traits and characteristics would complement your personality well. Have an idea of what your non-negotiables are in a relationship and what you won’t settle on. Compare the person against what you’re looking for, rather than comparing them with other people. They either have what you’re looking for or they don’t. Pinning them up against someone else won’t do you any good.


Giving someone a chance involves you giving them your undivided attention. That also doesn’t mean you put too much pressure on things working out. No need to plan your wedding after you’ve gone on one good date with someone. Get to know someone slow and steady and communicate your intentions from the beginning.


If you’re worried about missing out on someone because you’re talking to someone else, ask yourself this: do I trust in God’s plan and timing for me? Don’t operate out of fear of missing out. Be prayerful as you date and allow God to guide your efforts.

The only exception to this would be if you’re using a dating app. Because you can match with multiple people at once it’s assumed that you’re engaging in several conversations and even meeting in person. But I also recommend meeting with one person at a time, seeing if there is a connection and either moving forward to pursuing a relationship or calling it quits. Take things one step at a time and don’t be afraid to make decisions as you go.


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