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Q&A - Finding the One


How do I know I’ve found the one?


Many of us have wondered this question at one point or another. Or we’ve heard it asked by someone else followed by a cliché answer such as, “when you know, you know.” If you turn to the media you’ll see it portrayed as love at first sight, butterflies in your stomach, grand romantic gestures, or being smitten. And none of those are helpful, nor are they accurate. At most they might be a sign of infatuation or just feelings you might experience by having a crush on someone. So I’m here to (hopefully) give you a more concrete answer.

Before you set out looking for the “one” you have to be able to identify what qualities this person must possess. Do you know what you’re looking for in a life-long partner? Or will you be distracted by anyone attractive that comes your way? Have you considered what is needed to make a marriage work, and how someone fits into that picture? Unless you know the answers to those questions, you’ll find yourself wandering aimlessly in your journey to find the one.

The first and most important thing is seeking God’s will. Here’s the secret: you want Him to pick the person for you rather than relying on your own limited understanding. Think of how He picked (technically, made) Eve for Adam. Walk with the Lord, build a relationship with Him where you can decipher his voice. Look at how He has answered your previous prayers. How does He typically talk to you? For me, God has always clearly shut the door on opportunities I wasn’t supposed to take, and opened the doors of where He wanted me to go. But this is different for everyone; you have to figure out what it looks like for you. Also, seek guidance from people around you that know you well (your parents, priest, wise friends, family, mentors, etc.). These are the people that God has put in your life and make up your village; we are not meant to do life alone.

The person you find yourself wanting to spend the rest of your life with should already fit into your life, as smoothly as possible. You don’t have to change who you are or try to change who they are to fit into each other’s lives. You’ll have the same core beliefs, values, life-goals and help one another reach those goals. The way you see the world should align with each other. You both should be compatible in various areas of life.

Don’t get caught up comparing this person that you’ve found with someone else, or the mystery of who might come next. Evaluate each relationship on its own and how it fits into your life. Don’t fixate on the next best thing coming, because if you have that mentality, it will never come. Just like you aren’t perfect, anticipate that the person who is right for you isn’t perfect either and that you will likely have to work on things together. Always seek God’s blessing with moving forward.

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